seems about right.

I have cerebral diabetes, no joke. I finally brought myself to meet with my childhood psychiatrist and as an adult I am able to express myself and confirm her initial assumptions. My contradicting personas are explained, along with many other things. I feel different...excited yet freaked out because this self revelation is the equivalent of learning that there is a recycling bin around the corner, you can no longer revel in ignorance and must actually be proactive. Cheers to being mature enough to put your pride on the shelf and properly take care of yourself - that is real self love.

People often say "there's a reason for everything." I think this implies the idea of fate - that something was predestined to happen in order to enrich you; which I interpret as your shaping/development is entirely out of your control.

I prefer to think that "you can pull a reason out of everything." Things just happen; it can be good, it can be bad and other times it just is. Regardless of the interpretation, I firmly believe every experience holds some sort of value from which you can learn from. To learn from our experiences is a choice made by oneself, and only from learning do we make value of the un preferable experiences.

This ramble should be extended further considering the self analysis that took place prior to this statement about life. However, that will take time and I still have quite a bit of homework to complete before day break haha. Consider this post a "save the thought," so you can tune in later.

I'm still figuring myself out...socially. Wouldn't you think that a twenty-something-year-old would be consistent in how they act? I have a history of being a wild, ridiculous, outgoing party girl who shares whatever thought or interesting fact about herself seems relevant. This persona you come to know quickly and is very "what you see is what you get," leaving many to not like what they see. I can also be the laid back, waters run deep, the more you get to know the more you learn kinda gal. It's neat to be investigated by others, being an unknown is incredibly intriguing and I am certainly interesting enough to hold one's attention. My polar-opposite public selves present themselves in similar situations and are in many ways unpredictable. And although they contradict each other, they both compliment me as a person...

Fuck the past.

I find that as my brain chemistry changes, my ability to express myself fails. A graph would be awfully useful to explain this phenomenon. At this point, I'm off the charts and my expression clearly reads "insane."

PS Happy Half Birthday to me!

I am curious where the fine line exists between being a heart hardened cynic and free-lovingly naive. Or if a line even exits...certainly we are both to some extent since the world is various shades of grey.
I know I am not afraid to love but far more choosier than I had been in my sweet teenage years. Before I suffered from Romeo syndrom; in love with the idea of being in love. Now, it's all about the person. It appears cynism has done me well.